Tangible tips for when you are feeling overwhelmed as a parent and thinking you must be be screwing up your kids for life!

Parenting is a tough business. Should you breastfeed or bottle-feed? Use baby-led weaning or feed the kids puree on a spoon? In the end, sometimes it’s really difficult to see the forest for the trees. You get so caught up in the little things, trying to make sure you’re doing things “right” that you lose sight of the bigger picture.

So here are a few tips to keep you from tearing your hair out about which brand of detergent to use.

1. Remember: in all likelihood, your parents didn’t worry about this at all.

Think back to your childhood, and all the decisions your parents DIDN’T make. For most of us, our parents didn’t have an internet’s worth of resources available to them. They did what their parents did. 

As a result, you may have had brandy rubbed on your gums when you were teething. Your parents almost definitely put you down to sleep on your stomach. This makes their parenting advice a mixed bag at times. BUT they aren’t wrong when they say you survived. And more likely than not, you weren’t even traumatized by it. We aren’t saying to do things the way parents did them in the ‘80s,‘90s, or even the ‘00s... but try to keep the smaller things, like what baby soap you pick, in perspective.

2. Try to list all the things you’re doing right.

Instead of going through a list of all the decisions you have to make, or all the things you think you might be doing wrong, list the number of things you already did that actually went pretty well. The sheets you picked for their bed that they love so much. Or the time you splurged for a bigger popcorn at the movies. Or when you figured out that that rash was caused by that organic sunscreen.

A few years back, there was an incredible commercial by OfficeMax, of all places, in which the producers asked parents to talk about parenting. They talked about how hard it was. Then the producers asked their kids. If you don’t mind sobbing over your computer, consider checking it out.

3. Beware of Social Media

As we said in Tip #1, your parents didn’t have the cacophony of voices in their ears telling them how people raise babies in Finland. So they didn’t have to compare themselves to Finnish parents, or worry that their babies weren’t getting enough time outside exposed to the snow. 

The internet is an incredible resource, but it also gives us so much insight that it can be hard to filter it down to the bare necessities. Plus, we have to deal with Instagram parenting, which makes it look like everyone else is doing a magical job while you’re slogging through poop and tears.

Remember that social media paints a picture; it gives you a small glimpse into the lives of the people around you. It is not a full portrait of parenthood for that family. They, too, overthink things. They, too, worry about cutting toenails without pinching the skin. No matter how happy they look on Facebook, there are plenty of napless days in their houses, just like yours. So don’t try to make your life look like theirs because it never ever will.

Overall, try to remember that you are a good parent because you love your kids; and really, that’s all they need. You’re doing a good job.√parents did, or maybe what a book said to do. More often than not (for better or worse) they acted on instinct.

As a result, you may have had brandy rubbed on your gums when you were teething. Your parents almost definitely put you down to sleep on your stomach. This makes their parenting advice a mixed bag at times. BUT they aren’t wrong when they say you survived. And more likely than not, you weren’t even traumatized by it. We aren’t saying to do things the way parents did them in the ‘80s,‘90s, or even the ‘00s... but try to keep the smaller things, like what baby soap you pick, in perspective.

4. Remember that parenting IS a success.

When someone asks you how parenting is going, your mind might automatically go to the under-utilized star chart on the wall of your kid’s room. Or how many kids in their class are potty trained while yours is still in pull-ups. In truth, overthinking can actually keep you from enjoying time with your kid.

If you’re always worrying about whether they’re getting enough tummy time, or if they’re reading enough Lil’ Shakespeare, you might be missing out on opportunities to just be with your kid. Remember that everything you do with them is an experience. Every time you talk to them, you’re giving them a piece of yourself, even if you’re only talking about your favorite kind of bagel. Being a parent at all is a success story that you’re accomplishing every day.

Overall, try to remember that you are a good parent because you love your kids; and really, that’s all they need. You’re doing a good job.