If you’re not feeling the mommy wine culture, you’ve come to the right place!

Every online shop you know is full of them: shirts that say “Mommy needs wine,” or “Rise and wine,” or “It takes a village and a vineyard.” They can be clever, and we’ve all enjoyed the puns from time to time, but there’s also a grim undertone to these slogans — an implication that Mommy needs help. 

In the last ten years, there has been an enormous increase in references to mothers of young children “needing” a drink. We can take some good things out of this: an awareness that mothers of young children are also adults with challenging lives, that’s positive. A reminder that mamas like to have fun, too — also positive. And an implication that Mom gets to come off the clock at some point instead of being in parenting mode 24/7. A fairly modern concept, which still isn’t practiced by many families.

But the emphasis on drinking as a means of relaxation can also create a lot of problems. For one thing, mothers are very under-supported by our culture. We were overworked to the extreme before COVID-19 struck. Now? We’re in a place from which it is difficult to recover. So when we see shirts that imply we should drink away our collective trauma or the difficulties of the day, what we’re really seeing is a reminder that we’re not getting the help we need.

Usually, mothers don’t need wine. Mothers need paid family leave. Mothers need support from their partners. Mothers need a break that includes solace and healthy activity. Mothers need social lives and opportunities to do things outside the home. So when you see a shirt that says “Mommy needs wine,” consider what that really means: that means that Mommy needs a break. Mommy needs support. Mommy needs to get the hell out of here, at least for a little while.

According to an article on this topic in The Atlantic published in May 2020, mothers are not more likely than others to abuse alcohol. In fact, women without children tend to drink more than those who have children at home. But that doesn’t mean that Mommy wine culture is a good thing. In fact, it’s a humorous twist on two serious problems: chronic drinking to escape, and the lack of support for modern mothers. 

And neither of those things is particularly funny.