A screaming toddler in the evening can easily lead to a screaming parent (or 2!). These 4 tips will help make the evening routine with your toddler

Bedtime with toddlers is always a crapshoot. Their little bodies leave it all on the field during the day, which often means that between dinner and bedtime, the whole family is subjected to a string of weepy, screamy disasters, complete with back arching that happens just when you try to walk through a doorway so they smash their heads into the door frame. 

We can’t promise perfect results; in fact, toddlers will change so much between their first steps and their first day of pre-K that you’ll probably need to try a lot of different tricks to make it manageable. But we do know that some of these things can be helpful. Godspeed to you, toddler parent. Godspeed.

Build a plan

Although they seem fueled by the chaos they create, toddlers are actually very comforted by routine. They love to feel like they know what’s coming next. Part of the reason bedtime is hard for them is the suspense of the transition from one thing (dinner/play) to another (bed). 

That, combined with exhaustion, is a recipe for disaster. So it can help to lay out the routine for them. Create a simple set of steps that you will complete in the same order every night. Try to move the activities from more active/exciting to less active/exciting as you get closer and closer to bed. Limit sensory input (television, louder music), and focus on reducing stimulation as you approach lights out. Three sample routines are included below. Use them to build your own schedule!

Routine #1:

Dinner

Brush teeth

Pajamas

Read books

Night night

Routine #2:

Dinner

Playtime

Potty

Brush teeth

Pajamas

Bed

Routine #3:

Dinner

Bath

Potty

Teeth

Books

Pajamas

Kisses goodnight

Communicate the plan 

If your child has good receptive speech (meaning they listen and understand your words), try using “first, then” sentences to tell them what’s going to happen. For instance: “First we’re going to brush your teeth, then we’re going to read a book.” 

If their receptive speech isn’t quite there yet, you can try pictures. Sketch each step out yourself, or use photos you find online. Post them in the bathroom, or somewhere else at the start of your bedtime ritual, and walk them through the steps, one at a time.

Use rewards, but start small

Sticker charts can be a great motivator for specific behaviors. For instance, if you want your child to stay in bed after bedtime, you can introduce a sticker chart to encourage it. However, the usefulness of sticker charts tends to fade over time, so make sure to start with very small rewards and build up to bigger ones. 

For instance, you might start with one sticker for each night that the toddler stays in bed after bedtime. Then you might add a second nightly sticker for using the potty or putting on their own pajamas. Then you might try adding a bigger reward for a longer string of stickers in a row; five stickers and you get a prize. 

Try tools

The market is filled with things you can use to make it easier to put your kids to bed. Tents for their toddler bed can help them feel more enclosed, which might make it easier for them to stay there, especially when they’re first getting used to life outside a crib. Ok-to-wake clocks include a nighttime feature, which you can use to set rules with your toddler (when the light is blue, it’s bedtime and you need to stay in your bed; when it turns green, you can come get us). Lovies can provide comfort, as can special blankets (including weighted blankets), aromatherapy, and white noise. Experiment with the things that work best for you!

Bedtime will change a million times between babyhood and high school, so don’t be surprised if something that worked yesterday doesn’t work tomorrow. That just means your kid is growing and changing the way they’re supposed to. (Though we know it feels like hell right now.) 

If you feel like your child’s sleeping habits are out of the realm of “normal,” feel free to talk to your doctor. Some children require extra support or even medication for sleep, and your doctor can walk you through what that looks like.