Explore the ups and downs of parenthood through the eyes of Scott, a dedicated dad with a knack for humor (lots of humor) and honesty.

Life is a series of competitions.

When you were a kid, it was who was the fastest running the bases at recess. When you ran down the third base line, and the other guy ran down the first base line, you almost crashed into each other at the second base but somehow never did. It was always ridiculously close. Or who could ride bikes the best? Or who's dad could beat up the other dads (the answer is and always will be my dad, and I will not hear any more on the subject, or I will get my dad to beat up your dad 🥊).

Now that you are a parent, it seems like all the competitions revolve around your child, the neighborhood kids, the classmates... and the parents of all those losers... I mean kids. Birthday parties: Where do you even get a bouncy house with multiple levels, a slide, and a water feature? I didn't even know you could rent out an entire arcade for 2 hours. (Are arcades still a thing? Am I dating myself? I feel like I am dating myself. Crap, okay, Video Game trailer thing, those have to be pricey, right? Okay, switch Arcade to video game trailer 🎮). Everyone has to have this dramatic birthday party for their kid, even though the only thing the actual kids will remember is the goodie bag snacks. Snacks: Speaking of snacks, let's talk about the snacks everyone needs to bring to cultural day at school. The snack that CAN be bought from the store, as long as it's Whole Foods, but should be made from scratch, using a recipe that has been handed down for 12 generations and has its origins in the Mesopotamia region. Gear: Kids-size Jordans that your child has no idea the coolness of but that the other dad at school pickup gives you the nod, and that gets you through the day with such a great feeling. It can be a whirlwind of emotions, and you can find yourself pushing yourself or your child beyond the limit because you are trying so hard to "be better" than the rest because you feel like you need to one-up everyone. The secret is that if everyone tries to one-up everyone else, it will be a never-ending circle of over-the-top birthdays and diamond-studded Paw Patrol watches. The truth is, your kid will barely remember the birthday parties and all the attractions that are there; what you are actually doing is trying to flex for the other parents. The thing is, these parents that you are trying to impress are the same ones that see you every day at school drop-off, trying to somehow get the kid, the backpack, the lunch bag, the special book, and everything else out of the car without going nuclear because of course this is the morning your child has decided that the headrest of the passenger seat is the most FASCINATING thing in the history of their lives. They keep messing with it and saying "DAD, look, it moves"... I KNOW IT MOVES DUDE CAN YOU GET OUT OF THE CAR SO WE CAN GO INTO THE SCHOOL BECAUSE I AM NOT EVEN PARKED IN A SPACE AND I AM PRETTY SURE I SAW A COP JUST SLOW ROLL THE PARKING LOT... sorry for shouting. Every other parent is just as full of beans as you are homeboys + homegirls. They fly by the seat of their out-of-style and undersized pants just like you do. Stop worrying about how many levels the bounce house has or how realistic the guy playing Iron Man that you paid triple what you make in an hour to be there is. Your child will have fun with their friends in the mud pit with a garden hose and a pack of fruit snacks, and honestly, giving all those other parents their kid back caked in 5 pounds of mud would make you a legend. Remember, heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Go be legendary. 👊🏼"