Tips for returning to in person work post COVID for parents, or post parental leave.

Going into the fall, more and more of us are returning to in-person work. As discussed in our podcast Unswaddled: Return to Office Post Pandemic, for many working mothers, this will feel much the same as a return from maternity leave: there will be compromises, stressful time constraints, and demands from both home and work. 

Some of these things (like your commute) probably can’t be changed. But some things are within your control: how you manage your time, how you respond to demands from your office, and how you think about your workplace.

So let’s walk through some of the things many parents  will be experiencing in these coming months. We’ll talk about what you can’t change (like COVID), and what you can (like workplace expectations). When we’re done, hopefully you will be inspired to make your own plan for your return to work.

What you can’t change: Before becoming a parent, work probably took up a lot of your time; possibly most of your time. In a way, it might have been the thing in your life to which you were most devoted. So when you had children and your priorities changed, work took a back seat. You’re still doing your job, it just might not be your number-0ne area of importance anymore. 

 This is a very difficult thing for some businesses to understand. They want to keep you at your most productive and tuned-in. But you can’t change the fact that things are different now; neither can your office. COVID-19 put a magnifying glass on this issue, because we had to constantly manage both work and kids with very little support. 

You can’t change the fact that family is important now. You can’t change that your kids need you. And you probably can’t change how much your office needs you, either. And then there’s the added layer that working moms carry the extra burden of thinking that if we draw boundaries, we will confirm the stereotypes that we cannot or should not work while having children. But is that even true or is that, exactly what it says, a stereotype? Spoiler alert: this isn’t true, and it’s a  stereotype that needs to end!

What you CAN change: You can change expectations. You can change how much you respond after work hours, and how many hours you devote to your job outside of the office. You can put up an out-of-office reply that states your office hours. You can turn off your phone (you really can, there’s a button on the side).

Here’s the thing, though, you’ve heard all of this before. Working mothers are constantly told to be their own advocates, to take initiative, to boldly go where no woman has gone before. But all that pushing to self-advocate is hard when you’ve been trained from a young age to believe that your worth comes from what you give to others (there’s a term for this, it’s called Human Giver Syndrome and here’s an awesome podcast about it.). When you make demands or ask for help, you’re dismissed as selfish or difficult, or maybe even (dare I say it?) a bitch. 

So… how do we overcome these ingrained misogynistic beliefs? The answer is: one step at a time. COVID-19 reopening is actually a great opportunity to talk to your team about revising expectations. We know now what doesn’t work. We know it will never work. So what will? What do you NEED to do, versus what you felt you HAD to do before? You’ve been home for a year and the world (pretty much) kept turning. So take those experiences and tailor your work life. Make a list of things that are essential, and things that just aren’t. 

And remember, you don’t owe your company anything. You work in exchange for money. You are paid for the work you do; there is no shame in reframing how that labor is received. Your happiness, and the happiness of your family, are more important than that.

Here are some “what-if” scenarios to consider as you formulate your new plan.

What if there are school closures? What about sick days?

Despite the reopening, the pandemic is still going on, and may be for some time. Schools may close again for periodic outbreaks. And after a fair amount of isolation, your kid might also get sick, either with COVID-19 or with something else. Scary though it may be, these things are outside your control.

When you go back into the office, talk to your managers and colleagues about the expectations if things close again. Talk about what happens if there’s an outbreak near you, or if your child gets sick. 

Whatever the process might have been before COVID, throw it out the window. Start from scratch with expectations that actually work for you and your family. This should include parameters for working from home during these periods, and the hours that work best for you. Be conservative when you set your hours and availability; it’s easier to surpass low expectations than to rise above high ones.

What about all the time I’m going to lose to my commute?

If you have to go into the office, you likely can’t change how long it will take to get there and back. If that’s an hour, it’s a lot more time away from your kids, which might be particularly hard after spending so much time together. This might be a really difficult adjustment for all of you.

But even if you can’t speed up your commute, you can set new expectations for the time before you leave home, and after you return. This might mean being unavailable after you leave the office for the day, or, at the very least, turning off your phone until after kid's bedtime. 

It’s also ok if you want to exercise, or read, or take time for yourself in another way. You are a person who MATTERS. And your happiness may be dependent on time apart. If you make your hours clear with your bosses and your team ahead of time, and don’t apologize for it, everyone will be better off. 

 What if my boss says no?

You know your work environment best, so we can’t speak to your specific boss. Perhaps they are just not family-friendly, or you fear judgment for asking for what you need. As we said earlier, this is a common fear for working moms. It’s bullshit, but it’s very real.

If your work environment is toxic to you and your family, that’s a bigger issue that you should explore. But in the meantime, consider presenting a Return to Work plan as a Pro-work Plan. You can even point to us at Nurture by NAPS, and remind your bosses that transition planning is efficient, and can help them to nip potential problems in the bud. 

This has the added benefit of being true; when you set clear expectations on your time, you become a more efficient employee, and your team has a better sense of how best to work with you.

If your company doesn’t currently have a plan in place, Nurture by NAPS offers a course your business can purchase on this subject, walking through the questions to ask and the policies that can help as we all transition through this experience. To learn more, reach out here.